


It Doesn't End Here

by DoctorFatCat



Series: You saved me [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Character Development, Discussion of mental illness, Dogs, First Person, Implied Smut, Kinda, M/M, Marriage, Phan being oblivious, Slice of Life, story telling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 08:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10827255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorFatCat/pseuds/DoctorFatCat
Summary: “When faith brought me Dan Howell’s text that night, his life was supposed to end within a few minutes. When faith brought me the internet when I was a child, I was doomed to never go to bed early. How could I ever imagine such things would be connected? And that both of them combined would save our lives?”





	It Doesn't End Here

**Author's Note:**

> I know the summary is kinda shitty okay.  
> Dan is depressed but nothing too graphic and he only has a few breakdowns.

**Phil’s POV**

“When faith brought me Dan Howell’s text that night, his life was supposed to end within a few minutes. When faith brought me the internet when I was a child, I was doomed to never go to bed early. How could I ever imagine such things would be connected? And that both of them combined would save our lives?”

-

That night, when Dan and I arrived at my place, he fell asleep in the guest bedroom within a couple minutes. On the other hand, I couldn’t. I sat on a chair that was placed in that same bedroom and watched him sleep. My instincts kept telling me if I took my eyes off him, something bad would happen.

I woke up to him shaking my arm. He asked me why I was there and I remember feeling embarrassed.

We talked about each other some more. He asked me what I did, I asked him what he did. He shared some things about his life, choosing to keep the painful parts to himself ‘till he was ready to tell me everything. I chose to let him do it, trusting one day he’d tell me.

I told him all about my job, hoping to lighten the mood. All about how I worked for youtube. I told him about how me and my friends had a successful youtube channel in which we made sketches, Q&A’s, vlogs, etc. Everyone did a little of everything: writing, editing, acting, planning. My favorite part was editing.

I told Dan about my family and my childhood, and about my high school and college years. When we started talking about the things we had in common, we could keep chatting for hours.

Dan told me he used to work as a waiter in a café. He had been fired a couple weeks ago after the place got robbed while he was in charge. He was about to get kicked out of his flat, for not paying the rent in time. It was a really small place, he told me, and if he could choose, he’d never live in a place like that.

The next day we went there and packed his stuff. He really didn’t have much. We transformed the guest room into his new room. He didn’t agree at the beginning, but he wasn’t really in the place to refuse a place to live.

“I promise I’ll be out of here as soon as I can.” He kept telling me.

“Let’s hope that day never comes, then. How could I live without my fiancé?” I joked.

He thanked me so many times I lost count.

Dan couldn’t afford paying the rent since he didn’t have a job. I’d been living on my own since PJ had moved out, and could support the both of us just fine.

The first thing we did after settling him down was look for a psychologist. Dan felt embarrased, but he said he trusted me, and given the circumstances in which we met, I couldn’t ignore the fact that he needed help. Since that was the first session and he was nervous, she let me go in with him. The doctor told us Dan would have to go to a psychiatric to get medication.

He was diagnosed with severe Depression Disorder. The medication the doctor prescribed was not as expensive as I’d thought it would be. We settled for him to go there every month and see the therapist every week.

Soon we were the best of friends.

Soon I saw through what looked like shyness, but was only a defense mechanism.

There were days where Dan wouldn’t come out of bed, and I’d sit next to him when I could. Sometimes we chatted, sometimes I comforted him and sometimes I’d just sit there.

There were days when he’d cry nonstop and wouldn’t know why. He kept apologizing after every sob. I kept asking myself for what.

There were days when he wouldn’t say anything. Those were the scariest. He’s just stay quiet, doing whatever he was doing, pretended to do. He wouldn’t look at me, he’d only answer with nods and shaking his head. I tried not to insist on him those days. He wouldn’t push me away every time I sat next to him or played with his head while he stared into nothing. He’d let me do nothing with him.

Of course, there were the days where you wouldn’t ever guess that boy could ever be depressed. He’d joke and play videogames and help me with scripts and give out his opinions in sketches. He’d make food while singing and jump on me out of nowhere saying he was bored.

When the day wasn’t a good one, he wouldn’t eat by himself. He needed me to remind him and I knew he was eating because he didn’t want me to be upset. I remember wishing he’d do it for himself, but just getting him to eat was a victory, not matter the reason.

Sometimes I’d take him out to see the city, visit some places, watch a movie, buy stuff. I’d take him with me when I had to see things from work. I didn’t like leaving him alone. I’d try to take Dan out of the flat as much as I could.

One night, about five months into him living with me, he sat on the balcony and stared at the sky. It had been one of those days where he wouldn’t say a word. After finally finishing a script, I made him some hot chocolate and myself some coffee and sat beside him.

“Here.” I said.

He took it from my hands and took a sip.

“The sky looks beautiful tonight.” I commented.

He simply nodded.

We sat in silence, sipping our drinks and looking at the stars.

“Phil?” He said.

I looked at him, curious.

“Yeah?” I asked.

Dan looked down at the mug in his hands.

“Have you ever regretted answering that text?” He asked, not looking at me.

“No, never.” I answered right away.

Dan sighed.

“If you did. You wouldn’t have to deal with all of this. You wouldn’t have to babysit me or pay for my therapy and medicine or have to put up with me.” Dan said.

I looked at him sadly.

“Listen.” I started, putting my mug on the floor and turning to him. He looked up at me. “I don’t care about these things. I don’t put up with you. You’re not a burden. Dan, you’re not doing any of this because you want to. You’re sick. You cannot take care of yourself. Last time you tried you called me from the 38th floor of a building, remember?” I said. “If I didn’t want to take care of you, I wouldn’t.”

I sat close to him and put an arm around him. We almost fell asleep on the balcony.

The fist time we acknowledged each other was an accident.

It was a Friday, we had arrived home from the studio, Dan had been in a good mood that day.

“Jessica was so hitting on you.” He commented as we walked into the flat.

“She was not.” I said.

“Yeah she was.” He sang.

“That’s ridiculous, she knows nothing could ever happen between us.” I said, starting to prepare dinner.

Dan sat on the counter.

“And how would she know that?” He asked.

I shrugged.

“I don’t know. She could be hitting on me. I think I just assume everyone knows we’re together.” I said.

He went silent. I only realized he was too quiet after a couple minutes.

I turned to look at him.

“What’s the matter?” I asked. He was staring at me.

“We’re together?” He asked. “Since when? Why did I not know?”

I frowned.

“I don’t know, kinda since the day we met?” I said, unsure.

“If we’re together then why don’t you ever kiss me?” He asked.

“I just assumed you’d do it when you were ready. I didn’t want to make you do anything you weren’t ready for.” I explained.

He laughed.

“Are you serious? So basically I’ve had this crush on you since we met and you tell me we’re already together? What the actual fuck?” He said.

I stopped everything to smile with him. It was nice to see him genuinely happy for once. He got off the counter and walked closer to me, putting his hands on my shoulders and kissing me.

I could hear the voices in my head singing “Hallelujah”. After six whole months we were finally kissing.

I don’t know how long the kiss lasted, but we kissed for a long time, only stopping when the air we were getting wasn’t enough.

“I wanna kiss you forever.” He said, resting his forehead on mine. I squeezed his waist in response. He squealed. “Phil! My muffin tops!”

“Okay, no. You do not have muffin tops.” I said.

“Who are you to tell me if I have muffin tops or not?” He asked indignated.

“I’m your boyfriend.”

“Say that again.” He blushed.

“I’m your boyfriend.” I said.

We went back to kissing.

The next day we were together for the first time. Having him in my arms, making him feel good, listen to the noises he made. I never thought I could be that happy.

The day after that, he had a crisis, and cried all day. I stayed to comfort him for as long as I could, but we had to record that day. I called our friend Bryony and asked her to stay with him.

When I got back, he was asleep. Bryony told me he had stopped crying eventually, but got really quiet after that.

Some time after that, the dosage of his medicine changed. His doctors said he was showing a better behavior. I had noticed that too.

A few weeks later, me and the boys talked about it and invited Dan to be a part of our channel. He was surprised, but agreed. We all knew we couldn’t expect him to be up to everything or that he’d be always willing to do stuff. He was mostly going to appear on the vlogs, some of the sketches, etc.

On July the 11th, we celebrated his birthday. We called some of our friends, Martyn and Cornelia and my parents. He cried after blowing the candle and thanked me. I knew he wasn’t talking about the party.

He kept having crisis. The days where he wouldn’t come out of bed were common, but so were the days when he woke up earlier than usual and decided to make me breakfast.

Soon we were celebrating our first anniversary. Even thought half that year was an unknown relationship.

I decided it would be a good idea to celebrte it in our home. I made us a fort and we watched anime and our favorite movies inside it while eating pizza. Dan looked happy, and for every single smile of his I felt the urge of saying “I love you”.

“Today was great.” He commented later that night, when we were both in bed.

“I love you.” I said. I couldn’t bare not saying it anymore. Everytime I breathed I felt like I was gonna explode those words. Dan smiled.

“I love you too.”

“The day we met. I found out I’d been dead all of this time.” I told him, caressing the hair on the side of his head.

“What do you mean?”

“When I met you, when I heard your voice. It was like I had been born again. It was like finding a soulmate and I’m pretty sure I did.”

“I felt the same way when  woke up here, the first night.”

“Good.” I said.

He looked at me confused, with a playful smile on his lips.

“I would’ve been awkward if you were my soulmate and you weren’t mine.” I explained. Dan laughed and put his arms around me, pecking me and hiding his face in the crook of my neck.

“You spork.” He said.

We fell asleep soon after that conversation.

The week after it, we came back home from finishing a sketch, and both jumped on each other, kissing, grabbing, tearing our clothes off. For some reason the both of us were extremely sexually frustrated.

Soon we were laying in bed. I decided to check my emails, and then I found it.

“Dan.” I started.

“Yeah?” He asked, also on his phone.

“I just got an email from BBC.”

He sat up quickly.

“What do they want? Do they want us to do another Christmas Special?”

I shook my head, I was at a loss of words.

“TELL ME!” Dan asked, starting to get nervous.

“They want us to do a pilot of a new radio show. They want us to be DJs there and have our own show-”

“Oh my god, Phil!” Dan yelled, throwing himself at me, hugging me tightly. “My god this is amazing.”

I was in a bliss, I had the man of my dreams, a job I loved and maybe another great job for the two of us. Dan seemed to get better everyday and it was like I was finally growing up, with him by my side.

Dan let go of me and we laid side by side on the bed. I made my decision right then and there.

“Marry me.”

Dan froze next to me, grabbing my arm and looking at me with wide eyes, his mouth opened, but he closed it right away. My hands were sweating. What was my problem?

“Phil.” He started, turning to lay on his side. “I love you so much-”

“But it’s too soon, I know. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t-”

“No, darling.” He interrupted me. “let me speak, okay?” He asked, I nodded. “I love you so much. My life changed because of you, and now I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I never thought things could change like this. I thought everything was going to be over. Whenever things get hard, you’re my reason to keep fighting, beause I love you so much.” He sighed, smiling, a tear running down his face. “I wanna marry you. Yes, I will. And I’ll make you the happiest you could’ve ever been, I promise.”

I smiled at him, and held his face in my hands. I kissed him sweetly, crying with him. He buried his face in my chest and cried, smiling wide.

“And just so you know. You already do.” I said.

“Do what?”

“Make me the happiest I could ever be.”

He blushed, smiled, and told me to shut up.

But he knew I wasn’t lying. He always knows.

-

“So standing here today. I look at this beautiful man next to me, and think. Damn-”

Everyone in the room laughed, including Dan.

“I think- How lucky am I? That faith brought him to me the day he decided the world had nothing else to offer him. I love you, Dan.” I said, now turning to him. “You are the spark I never knew was missing in my life.”

Dan smiled, wiping his tears.

"Damnit Phil.” Dan smiled. “Now I feel like my vows will be shit.” The guests laughed with me.

“Never.” I said.

“Phil said mostly all I was gonna say, so since he already told everyone our story, I’m gonna tell you how much this spork means to me.” He was looking deeply into my eyes. Every second I fell in love with him even more.

“Phil is to me, like a light. I had been in the dark for so long, I was the darkness myself, but as we grew closer, he started to illuminate everything around me. The second we met, you were like the sun, and I was like a new moon. Now I feel like I’m a full moon, ‘cause your light taught me how to shine myself. And yes, people, I knew the moon doesn’t shine on it’s own.” Dan said, laughing with everyone else.

“Thank you, for showing me how amazing life can be. Thank you for understanding that sometimes you won’t understand. Thank you for being there for me even when we didn’t know each other. Thank you.”

I could only smile. I felt like there was nothing left to say but to kiss him, hold him and love him, so that’s exactly what I did.

“I wanted to thank three people who were day the day we met. Mike, Ronnie, Mark, you guys had no idea what was happening, and we both lied to you, and are very sorry, but thanks to you I was able to meet the love of my life that night, because of you.” I started, letting Dan take the lead right after. I could see them from where we were.

“You guys believed in our love story, even if it was fake back then, and helped us find each other and develop what was going to be an even better story to tell our and your grandchildren.” Dan said, smiling gratefully. They nodded at us, and we turned to each other once again.

“Love of your life, huh?” Dan said, arching an eyebrow.

“Is that even a surprise anymore?” I mocked, taking his hands in mine.

The judged declared us husbands, and we walked down the isle hand in hand, people throwing rice at us.

That’s the story of how I fell in love with my soulmate. The story, of course, doesn’t end here, it _starts_ here and now. I’ll be leaving you now to go live this life full of adventures with my new husband and our new dog. Thank you for being part of this adventure and supporting us.

Love, Phil (and Dan)

(And the dog, woof)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, feedback is appreciated <3


End file.
